Finding Time To Write As A Mom To Young Kids

(No, We Don’t All Have The Same 24 Hours)

I came across an Instagram post the other day from a fitness coach that said any fitness coach who tells a mom to young kids that “we all have the same 24 hours” should be disregarded immediately. And as a mom to a toddler, that resonated with me and made me feel seen.

The idea that we all don’t have the same 24 hours has been running through my mind since reading that post. Prior to becoming a mom, I went to the gym 5 days a week, waking up before the sun to get to the gym before heading to the office. I loved my routine and gained energy and motivation from my early morning gym sessions. But since having my son, I’ve struggled to find a good routine and rhythm for my workouts. I’ve tried so many different ways to get my exercise time in, and generally do okay, but it’s a constant challenge as things keep changing with new milestones and life circumstances. And to be honest, I just have less mental energy to devote to working out than I did before becoming a mom.

It’s not that exercise isn’t important to me. It absolutely is a priority that I keep trying to find the time and motivation for, and while I’m not making the progress I would hope for in this moment of life, I keep trying. But just because I can agree that it’s a priority and important doesn’t make it magically easy to find the time or energy to work out five days a week again, nor does it mean that my post-kid exercise schedule and goals can or should look the same as they did in my pre-kid days.

And the same is true for writing.

Just because we can agree that writing is a priority, that it’s something that brings us joy and we want to focus on doesn’t automatically make it easy to fit in writing time on a regular basis. It doesn’t magically gift us the amount of quiet time we long for daily to work on our writing projects. And it doesn’t recharge our mental batteries at the end of long and exhausting days of mom-ing so that we can stay up for hours after our kids are in bed to have time for creative outlets.

As much as I wish it were true, moms of young kids simply don’t have the same 24 hours in a day as others do. Our time and energy are taxed in ways that are often beyond our control, such as when our kids are sick, when they’re going through a rough patch with sleeping (meaning we are as well), or simply the mental exhaustion from taking care of small humans all day and tending to their constant needs. As moms to young kids, our time isn’t entirely ours in the way it is for people in other phases of life.

Whether we’re staying home with the kids, working outside of the home full-time, or doing the near-impossible and working while staying home with the kids, life as a mom to small kids looks a lot different than life before kids did. And while this can feel defeating at times, I’ve found the best way to overcome this is to acknowledge the phase of life we’re currently in, accept that our goals and productivity will need to look different, and to be open to being flexible.

Prioritizing Our Writing

As already mentioned, simply acknowledging writing is a priority to us isn’t enough to magically solve all of our issues in terms of finding time to write, but it is an important first step.

While you may not be able to write every day or as often as you once did before you had kids, keeping your writing in mind as you make plans for your month/week/day is essential to keeping it a priority. I’m a huge proponent of setting aside time to set goals at the monthly, weekly, and daily level, and each time I sit down to do this, one of the things I consider is when and how I’ll find the time for my personal writing. And to be honest, sometimes it’s just not possible to fit in writing time for a stretch with everything else going on, but the important thing is that I make sure to consider my own writing each time I look at my planner. Even if the realistic answer in that moment is that I don’t have time to write that day or week (or sometimes even month), the act of being sure I consider it keeps it a priority.

This way of looking at prioritizing my writing looks a lot different than my version of prioritizing before I had my son. In that phase of life, prioritizing writing meant working most everything else around my writing sessions. But these days, that’s just not possible or realistic, and trying to do that would be setting myself up for failure. So, at this juncture, prioritizing writing for me means knowing it’s important, looking for opportunities to fit in writing time wherever possible, but also accepting that some days I won’t be able to write—and that is completely okay.

Practical Tips for Finding Writing Time

I firmly believe the best way to find a writing routine that works for you, mom or not, is to be open to some trial and error. And that goes double for moms to young kids. I know for myself, just as I find a routine that seems to work, something changes, and I have to readjust. Losing naptime, for example, really threw me for a giant loop (I’m still grieving that months later, by the way). So, while the best way to find a routine and rhythm that works for you is to try different things and see how they work out, here are some ideas to get you started with your brainstorm:

Early mornings/late nights: This is perhaps the most cliched advice to any mom trying to carve out any bit of time for herself, and it certainly doesn’t work for everyone (raise your hand if your child also seems to wake up the moment you do no matter how early), but I’m putting it here because it is a good starting point. Maybe you do have a child who will stay asleep if you wake up early to sneak in some writing time, or maybe you are someone who has mental energy left at the end of the day to work on creative endeavors. These are a couple of the most obvious, albeit not always the most practical, suggestions, so if you haven’t already tried one or both of these options, consider giving them a shot.
Nap time: Again, this one is perhaps over-suggested, but if your kiddo is still in the nap phase, working on writing while they’re napping can be a great time to snag some writing time. It’s tempting to use nap time to clean up the house and reset for round two, but I’d really encourage you to use at least some of that peaceful time for your writing. Recharging your own batteries is just as important (I’d argue more so, actually) as resetting the house.
Establish quiet times: If your kiddo is out of the nap phase, establishing a quiet time in the middle of the day can be useful to not only sneak in some writing time but also to allow your little one to calm down and recharge. Setting the expectations for how quiet time will work can allow you to have some time to work while your little one is actively engaged in a quiet activity and hopefully (mostly) leaving you alone rather than constantly asking for snacks and/or to play with them. Another option is to set your kiddo up with a parallel play activity that will keep them engaged while you work on your writing.
Make arrangements with a partner, parent, or other trusted adult: If you have a parenting partner, ask them for support and help so you can find some writing time. Letting them know how important writing is to you and finding times when they might be able to take the lead on parenting so you can have some writing time can be the best way to get that time in. It may not be daily, but even a few times a week can make a huge difference. If you don’t have a partner, perhaps you have a parent or someone else who would be willing to watch your kiddo while you write. Asking for help may not feel the best (I know I struggle with this more than I should), but the benefit of allowing you to recharge your batteries by being able to pursue your writing is absolutely worth whatever discomfort asking for help may bring to you.
Work in sprints: I know many of us dream of having lengthy periods of time to work on our writing. And there’s no denying that having long stretches of time can help us really get into the flow and make some serious progress. But don’t discount the magic of working in sprints and smaller segments of time as well. I’ve been known to make some good progress in the 20 minutes while dinner is in the oven. Another option is to let your kids take a slightly longer bath and work while they’re distracted in the tub. Or set them up outside with the sprinkler and write for 10 minutes. It may not look like the longer stretches of dedicated writing time you scheduled pre-kid, but you absolutely can make progress on your writing in smaller increments, so don’t count them out.

Give Yourself Grace

The biggest advice I can offer to moms of young kids trying to write is to allow yourself so much grace. The reality is that this is a demanding and tiring phase of life, and trying to hold yourself to the same standards you did before you became a mom is only going to leave you feeling defeated.

Work hard to set realistic goals for yourself that consider everything else you have going on in that moments but be prepared to have to readjust as things come up. Even if you think it will be realistic for you to write 3,000 words in a given week, if your child ends up getting sick and then gifting those germs to you, it’s okay to re-evaluate and/or drop that goal altogether. Things come up for everyone, but they tend to especially come up when young kids are involved. Don’t beat yourself up for “failing” to meet a goal when life threw you curve balls. Acknowledge your effort and try again the next day or week or month.

Your writing progress likely won’t be as fast as you were used to or as you’d hope for in this phase of life, but it’s still progress. And someday (I’m told before we know it), we’ll have older kids who don’t demand quite so much from us on a daily basis, and we’ll have more time for our writing. But doing the best we can to keep working at our writing goals while raising young humans can be an essential element of our self-care that will keep us at our best so we can give our best selves to our kids and set an example for them of what practicing self-care and chasing after our dreams looks like.

Hang in there, mamas. We’ve got this!